- First, I didn’t want to accept that what the voice of my knower was saying was NOT what I wanted to hear.
- Second, I was valuing something else more highly than I valued my internal integrity. I longed for security that I would someday be loved enough that someone would marry me. And I wanted that security more powerfully than I wanted to be true to my inner knowing.
- Third, along with valuing something more than being congruent internally, I was also using my unwillingness to accept no for an answer as a device to serve a different purpose in me. Let me explain. When we have a behavior or belief that is causing us all kinds of suffering, our most fearful, immature part is usually using it to HELP us as best it can. So in my case, I had a HUGE fear of being alone or abandoned. I still chip away at remnants of this cluster of fears to this day. So I desperately wanted a guarantee that I wouldn’t end up alone. And by ignoring my knower and convincing myself that I KNEW I would end up with this guy, I had a measure of security. Except that it was false.
- Do you hear, sense or feel things in your intuition, your soul, your gut, (or what I like to call your ‘knower’), but you don’t know if you can trust them?
- Are you still wrestling with that time in the past when you were SURE you knew something in your knower, but it just didn’t happen?
- Did your knower get squelched a long time ago, perhaps when you were a child and adults told you things that didn’t feel right?
- Are you scared to tell your life partner that you want to make a big decision…completely based on some elusive thing inside you that you can’t even really explain?
- Do you WANT to build a life based on following your knower, but you struggle to take risks and do the scary things you think you hear?
See you there!
Sometimes magic is pretty stressful in the moment. My dad has been here visiting for several days, and yesterday, I drove him 3 hours to Boulder to hand him off to my aunt and uncle who live up in Estes Park. To set the scene for those of you from around here, we met up in the Dushanbe Tea House for lunch.
While we were eating, a man at the next table started choking. When I realized what was happening, his wife was already trying to do the heimlich, but she was on the smaller side and he was a big guy. And maybe she scared to do it hard enough.
I leaped up and went over in that way where you don’t remember ever deciding to act. My body just did it. It took me several tries of punching him for all I was worth, but it worked. By the time he could breathe again, a couple men were there as well, helping to hold the guy up.
We stood at their table for a few minutes while the guy collected himself, then I went and sat back down. My aunt said quietly, ‘It’s a pretty good day — you saved someone’s life today.’
I finished my lunch, with my hands shaking like crazy, and thought about what had just happened while my dad, aunt and uncle kept talking. And I pondered how my body had just gone into action, as though some force was working through it. It wasn’t my mind deciding to act. I just DID. I wasn’t at the closest table to the guy. I’m not a medical person. The restaurant was full, and lots of other people must have noticed what was going on. Why was it ME that acted?
Here’s what I think. When we’re living a lot of the minutes of our days out of our essential selves, in connection with our knowers, it’s as though our bodies are ‘being lived’ though our connection to the Divine. And it often feels like we just DO without thought. Sometimes it feels unnerving, like we’re making all these snap decisions, but there’s a feeling of inevitability about those decisions. They WANTED to happen. Consciousness or God or Spirit just moves through our bodies in a way that feels like it bypasses our mind. But actually, it’s because repeatedly and at a deep level, we’ve chosen over and over with our minds to surrender to our essential selves, surrender to our knowers, to our connection with the Divine.
And it’s possible to live all of our lives ‘being lived’ by the Divine. That’s what it means to be awakened, enlightened, filled with the Spirit, MAGICAL!!!
We get tastes of it. Little glimpses. And hopefully those little glimpses gradually become a habit until they’re continuous.
The guy paid for our lunches. That was a nice dollop of magic to top it off.
Hi magical friends!
I’ve been wanting for a while to do some exploring here about Jesus. Some of you know that I spent more than 20 years as a very black-n-white Christian, but thankfully also in a mystical Christian setting. Unfortunately, I thought we had the only truth and the only way to God. (If you want to hear more of my story, I have an article in Elephant Journal called, ‘How I Used To Be a Missionary with All the Answers: It’s Complicated.’)
I’ve been wanting for a while to write a blog/Facebook post/email that will probably be of most interest to those of you who have spent time in the world of the Christian church. I’ve been reading an author who is really making me wrinkle my brow and ponder…and rethink who Jesus is in our magical world, and what he meant when he said that we could do greater things than he did. I left the church more than a decade ago, but I still love Jesus, although the version of Jesus I connect with has changed over the years. So what the heck does he think about all these ideas that we are magical creators of our lives and stuff?
This author I’ve been reading is named Cynthia Bourgeault, and she’s an Episcopal priest who has also been deeply immersed in the Catholic contemplative movement. She’s a teacher of a Christian meditation technique called Centering Prayer, which I’ve been using lately and find very powerful. I love her book, ‘The Heart of Centering Prayer: Nondual Christianity in Theory and Practice,’ and another one about Mary Magdalene. If you come from of the Christian world and want to read something that will blow your mind, there’s ‘Love is Stronger than Death: The Mystical Union of Two Souls,’ which tells the story of her soulmate-connection with a celibate Trappist monk, a relationship which they both believed was destined to continue beyond his death.
Right now I’m working my way through, for the third time, Cynthia Bourgeault’s book called, ‘The Wisdom Jesus: Transforming Heart and Mind–A New Perspective on Christ and His Message.’ I want to type out a bunch of quotes from the book that have totally struck me. Hopefully they’ll make sense out of context.
The first concept I’ve been chewing on is that Jesus came to transform human consciousness.
Jesus first and foremost as a wisdom teacher, a person who (for the moment setting aside the whole issue of his divine parentage) clearly emerges out of and works within an ancient tradition called “wisdom,” sometimes known as sophia perennis, which is in fact at the headwaters of all the great religious traditions of the world today. It’s concerned with the transformation of the whole human being….from a judgmental and dualistic worldview into a nondual acceptingness.
Jesus came first and foremost as a teacher of the path of inner transformation….His message was not one of repentance and return to the covenant. Rather, he stayed close to the perennial ground of wisdom: the transformation of human consciousness….What we are actually supposed to be doing on this path [is]: not just admiring Jesus, but acquiring his consciousness.
The second concept from her book that I’ve been pondering is that the world of Western Christianity focuses on Jesus as Savior, and a person’s salvation through having right belief. On the other hand, she says, Eastern Christianity and the early Christianity that’s come to light through the Nag Hammadi texts like the Gospel of Thomas, is focused on Jesus as wisdom, Jesus as an enlightened being, a fully divinized human, a master of consciousness, and a model for us to learn from. Here’s a really long bunch of quotes:
It’s the primary way that we approach our teacher, through what we believe about him.
The main difference between the Christianity we’re familiar with through our Western filter and the Christianity coming to us from these new sources [the mysticism of Eastern Orthodox Christianity, and the early, non-canonical texts from Nag Hammadi] can be captured in two words which are not nearly as formidable as they first sound: the difference is between a soteriology and a sophiology. What do these two words mean? “Soteriology” comes from the Greek word soter, which means “savior.” The Christianity of the West has always been savior-oriented.
The Christianity of the East saw things radically differently. Theirs was not a soteriology, but a sophiology. The word “sophiology” has as its root the word “wisdom.” (Sophia is the Greek word for wisdom.) Christianity was supremely a wisdom path. For the earliest Christians, Jesus was not the Savior but the Life-Giver.
Jesus’s disciples saw in him a master of consciousness, offering a path through which they, too, could become ihidaya, enlightened ones. A sophiological Christianity focuses on the path. It emphasizes how Jesus is like us, how what he did in himself is something we are also called to do in ourselves. By contrast, soteriology tends to emphasize how Jesus is different from us—“begotten, not made,” belonging to a higher order of being—and hence uniquely positioned as our mediator.
Along with the overt requirement here (to learn what these beliefs are and agree with them) comes also a subliminal message: that the appropriate way to relate to Jesus is through a series of beliefs. In fundamentalist Christianity this message tends to get even more accentuated, to the point where faith essentially appears to be a matter of signing on the dotted lines to a series of creedal statements.
And finally, a third cluster of concepts that are, well, blowing my mind. Cynthia Bourgeault writes:
…the Kingdom of Heaven is really a metaphor for a state of consciousness…the Kingdom of Heaven is Jesus’s own favorite way of describing a state we would nowadays call a “nondual consciousness” or “unitive consciousness.” The hallmark of this awareness is that it sees no separation—not between God and humans, not between humans and other humans.
When Jesus talks about this Oneness, he is not speaking in an Eastern sense about an equivalency of being, such that I am in and of myself divine. What he more has in mind is a complete, mutual indwelling: I am in God, God is in you, you are in God, we are in each other.
“Love your neighbor as yourself”—as a continuation of your very own being. It’s a complete seeing that your neighbor is you. There are not two individuals out there, one seeking to better herself at the price of the other, or to extend charity to the other; there are simply two cells of the one great Life.
Wow, there’s so much amazing stuff here that I’m just starting to wrap my head around. When I first experienced reiki, I was like, holy shit, Jesus is the most amazing reiki master ever!!! When I bent a spoon, I thought, holy shit, no wonder Jesus could walk on water – he just rearranged a few bits of energy to make the water solid – just the opposite of me rearranging a few bits of energy to make the metal soft. And when I read the New Testament now with the idea that the kingdom of heaven is a metaphor for non-dual consciousness, to me it all falls into place.
But I wonder what YOU think! I’d love to hear your thoughts – to discuss, to disagree, to be blown away.
For those of you who are reading this on my blog, I’m purposely turning off the comments, because I’m also posting this on my Facebook group, ‘How to Create a Magical Life.’ I want to create lots of discussion, but for my sanity, I need it to be all in one place. So hop over to my group and respond – we need your voice! Here’s the link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/CreateYourMagicalLife/
Do you know right now that you are loved by the Divine?
Do you know right now that the infinite love that is this universe we are all part of — do you know that that love loves YOU? Like REALLY loves you?
Do you know that All That Is is saying right now, “Sweet [your name], I love you, I love you, I love you.”?
You are not only surrounded by that miracle of love, you are infused with it, through and through. YOU, my friend. These words are for YOU, right now.
You are LOVED!!!
Does a doubt pop into mind, something like, ‘Cynthia wouldn’t be writing that if she knew who I really am?’ Or do you think, ‘Well, God is just loving me because she/he/it is obligated to love everyone?’
Baloney. That’s a big pile of poo.
You, [insert your name here so it might sink in this time], are loved by Infiniteness in a way that’s particular to YOU. Not some wishy-washy generic love for humanity in general. You are loved in your own individual you-ness. Everything. All of it. From your one eye that doesn’t track quite right to your fondness for coconut yogurt to the polish peeling off your toenails — YOU.
Are you starting to get it? The God within you and completely transcending you, the energy that holds your atoms together so you don’t fly apart, the consciousness that you are part of —
IT’S ALL IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!!!!! IN FACT, IT’S PRACTICALLY SWOONING WITH DELIGHT that the tiniest bit of this thought is sinking in to you right now.
Love! Love! Love!
Breathe it in right now, beautiful one!
YOU ARE LOVED!
Why is it so hard to create the Big Seven???
First, what are the Big Seven? I just made this list up, but I think it includes most of what we yearn for in our lives.
1. The love of our life, soulmate, life partner, or a better/deeper relationship with our existing beloved.
2. Money — and not just enough to scrape by, but enough to be comfortable and enjoy doing/having what we love.
3. Purpose/career/job/mission/business/work — this is the way that we bring our unique and special magic to the world, and get satisfaction from our contribution.
4. Health — our physical bodies — fitness, weight, healing from disease, body image, etc.
5. Magic in Times of Crisis — magic for those times when we desperately cry out to the Divine to change something or cause something to happen — “HELP!!!!!!”
6. Deep connections in addition to our primary partner — healthy friendships, healthy connections with relatives.
7. Goodness for the people we love — this includes all the longings we have for goodness for our kids, our siblings and parents, for other family members, for dear friends, and everyone else we love.
Can you think of any other categories of ‘big stuff’ that I missed? (My Big Seven could become my Big Eight or my Big Nine, although there’s a ring to Big Seven, don’t ya think?)
Anyway, why is it so hard to attract the big stuff?
Because we attract/create/manifest with our SOULS, not our MINDS, and what our souls want, above all else, is to awaken!!!! So your mind might be longing for you to find your life partner, but your soul is longing for a fulfilling connection with the Oneness, All That Is, the Divine. And your soul says, “Hmmmm, I think she’ll find that fulfilling connection in her loneliness.”
I posted a long quote from a recent Martha Beck newsletter explaining this concept. And her own response to this is: “dammit.” Yep, it’s hard to not get what our minds want.
Thoughts? Your stories about this? Join me on the Facebook group, How to Create a Magical Life. https://www.facebook.com/groups/CreateYourMagicalLife/
This is a continuation of my post from July 10th, so if you haven’t read that one, you might want to start there.
When I first heard the concept of taking responsibility for absolutely everything in my life, it made me effin’ mad. Okay, so I could see taking responsibility for my own shit, which was hard enough because it meant I needed to stop whining about it and DO something to change what could be changed. And I could also see that taking responsibility for my ATTITUDE about everything in my life could be a healthy thing.
But what in the world did it mean to take responsibility for, say, terrorist attacks (a sensitive issue for me because I’m a survivor of a grenade attack by an early Al-Qaeda group that killed 2 of my friends and left me with shrapnel to this day). What did it mean to take responsibility for all the domestic violence of the world, the homeless and mentally ill guy panhandling at the intersection, the sleazy politicians, global warming, and on and on.
Take responsibility for things completely beyond my control? It just plain didn’t make any sense to me.
But I was first hearing about the concept in the context of learning about a man named Dr. Hew Len, a psychologist working in a facility for the criminally insane in Hawaii. It sounds like it was about as dark and dismal as it gets in that prison. I can’t remember the whole story (you can Google his name and ho’oponopono to find it) but he started doing something seemingly pointless with each of the inmates. He would take their case files, one by one, and say:
Please forgive me.
I love you.
As he did this, it apparently brought up a lot of his shit, because he said about that time, “I worked on myself.”
And the situation in the prison completely turned around.
So…what is it and how does it work? The technique of using these four phrases and taking responsibility for everying in your life is now called ‘ho’oponopono,’ although it sounds like that word actually refers to a bigger process of reconciliation in Hawaiian culture.
Let me walk you through an example of how I do the process, and what comes up for me.
I have a friend with a grown son who is schizophrenic. I’ve known him since he was a boy, and he’s very frequently on my heart. I ache for him, and for the people who love him.
But how do I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for his disease? And why should I? I didn’t have anything to do with creating it!!!
Yet here’s what happens in my heart when I say those four phrases, from a place of willing openness to accept my responsibility for creating him and his disease in my life:
“Devon [not his real name], I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Please forgive me for any way, however subtle and sneaky and hidden from my conscious mind, that I may have wanted someone with a mental illness in my life so that I could feel safe in my own mental health. Please forgive me for any icky fascination or curiosity I have with mental illness that discounts you as a person. Please forgive me for being part of a society that doesn’t know how to help you. Please forgive me for every time I’ve had anything but love in my heart for anyone who shares your disease — the smelly homeless guy, the woman talking to herself on the corner. Please forgive me for all the ways I’ve scorned or discounted someone with your disease, or gotten a subtle ego-boost out of thinking I was better, healthier, more valuable than them. I’m so sorry, so very sorry I’m part of a culture that isn’t conscious enough to help you become the shaman or priest you’re probably meant to be. Thank you for all you’re teaching me — to love even the most complicated people in my life. Thank you for your sweetness and your seeking soul. I love you. I love you.”
Even as I typed that paragraph, it became a prayer, an outpouring of my energy toward him and every other mentally ill person who has walked their tortured path through life.
Has Devon become mentally healthier because I’ve been speaking these four phrases over him regularly? No, not in any outwardly obvious way. But I’ve taken responsibility by holding him in my heart, by sending him as much love and healing energy as I know how to send, and by holding his family in my heart. And it’s made me hold many other people with mental illnesses in my heart too.
But you didn’t FIX anything, you say.
I don’t have an answer for that. But I challenge you to try saying these four phrases to all the situations and people that are causing you pain, and just see what happens. You may experience yourself becoming empowered in some magical way, and you may experience something change outwardly.
And for those of you whose hearts are aching with the pain of things that ‘happened to you,’ please know that I’m holding you in my heart right now. I’m sorry — sorry for the pain in your life. Please forgive me for being part of the whole of humanity that is mostly unconscious. Please forgive me for my shadow parts, and the ways that my shadow parts have injured you. Thank you. Thank you for being my teacher. Thank you for bearing your particular pain right now, because it caused me in this moment to seek to be gentler toward you and everyone. I love you. I love you. I love you.
Want to talk about this more? Join me in my Facebook group, How to Create a Magical Life.
- A sense of having a specific mission or purpose involving a major transformation in human experience, but being unable to articulate what this change might be.
- High levels of empathy; a sense of feeling what others feel.
- An urgent desire to lessen or prevent suffering for humans, animals, or even plants.
- Loneliness stemming from a sense of difference, despite generally high levels of social activity.
- High creativity; passion for music, poetry, performance, or visual arts.
- An intense love of animals, sometimes a desire to communicate with them.
- Difficult early life, often with a history of abuse or childhood trauma.
- Intense connection to certain of natural environments, such as the ocean, mountains or forest.
- Resistance to orthodox religiosity, paradoxically accompanied by a strong sense of either spiritual purpose or spiritual yearning.
- Love of plants and gardening, to the point of feeling empty or depressed without the chance to be among green things and/or help them grow.
- Very high emotional sensitivity, often leading to predilections for anxiety, addiction, or eating disorders.
- Sense of intense connection with certain cultures, languages, or geographic regions.
- Disability, often brain-centered (dyslexia, retardation, autism), in oneself or a loved one. Fascination with people who have intellectual disabilities or mental illness.
- Apparently gregarious personality contrasting with deep need for periods of solitude.
- Persistent or recurring physical illness, often severe, with symptoms that fluctuate inexplicably.
- Daydreams (or night dreams) about healing damaged people, creatures, or places.
- Lots of interaction, discussion, questions and coaching on the live calls, and all the calls will be recorded to you can listen later if you like
- A closed Facebook group where you can connect with me and all the other participants, and process what you’re learning and experiencing
- A 60-minute 1-on-1 coaching session over the phone with me, which will be scheduled after the 5 sessions to help you apply all that you learned – and hey, that in itself makes this a great deal.I normally charge $125 for a session so you’re basically getting all the rest for twenty-five bucks!