When I KNEW I Was Supposed to Marry that Guy…But It Didn’t Happen

I want to talk about one of the hard things that happens when we determine that we are gonna follow our knowers:  GETTING IT WRONG.
Sometimes we get it wrong, just plain wrong.  
And I want to tell you about a time when I got something just plain wrong, something I was SURE that I knew in my knower.
Do you relate?
Have you had one of those times when you just KNEW something was gonna work out, you knew you were gonna get that certain job, or you just knew that house you wanted to buy would become available for you – and then it didn’t work?  Just plain didn’t happen.  And there’s no way to look at the situation and say, well, it sort of happened.  It was black and white:  didn’t happen.
And did you get hung up on WHY?  Why didn’t this happen?  I thought I knew in my knower that it was gonna happen.  Why didn’t it happen the way I thought it would?  What went wrong?  What’s wrong with me?
Anybody who has set out to live a life based on following their knower, their spirit, their soul, the voice of God, their intuition – you’ve got some of these stories when it just didn’t happen.
Thankfully, the process of hearing our knowers and following them to create a magical life – thankfully, that process is actually a series of skills.  And because it’s skills, you can learn them!!!
That’s the great thing about skills.  Sometimes when we think about hearing and following our intuition, we think of it as a gift that only certain people have.  But actually, we are all born with a knower, and we can all learn to follow it, because it’s a skill. Yes, some people can learn to do it more easily, but we can all do it.
So YOU have the innate ability to follow your knower…and to get it right.
You just need instruction and practice, like with any skill.
I’m going to be offering a free webinar on Wednesday, September 27th, called, ‘How to Leap Off a Cliff – Because You Can Trust the Voice of Your Knower,’ where I’m going to go into depth about all this.  CLICK HERE to register.
My Story About That Guy
Back when I was in my 20’s, I met a guy.  I fell in love.  He fell in love.  We started a relationship.  So far, so good.  All very normal.
I was SURE that I was going to marry this guy.  We loved each other.  But then, he started feeling in his knower that I was not the one for him, even though he loved me.
Devastation, of course.  I thought I was gonna die.
And there was a problem:  I KNEW in my knower that he was the one for me, and that we were gonna get married and live happily ever after.  He loved me, after all.  How could he believe we weren’t meant for each other?
The story, of course, has lots of plot twists, but the end result was that he walked away.  Even though he loved me.  He told me so.  He had the strength – very commendable for someone at that age – to listen to his knower.
But…I still KNEW he was the one for me. I KNEW it.
(Any of you relate to this???)
Here’s the part that’s embarrassing to admit:  I spent SEVEN freakin’ years believe it was still gonna work out, believing that we would one day magically be reunited.  I suppose in some warped way, that’s credit to the power of my will.  I BELIEVED it, and I wasn’t gonna let it go.  I hung on to my belief with every ounce of strength I had.
But I was wrong.  He met someone.  He got married.  The end.
Dang, that hurt.
But what really hurt in the long run was admitting, long afterwards, that actually, I had heard very clearly in MY knower that he wasn’t good or right for me.
My knower actually knew, but I just wasn’t willing to admit it.
I was in the Christian world back then, so I’ll describe it in the Christian terms I experienced it in.  It was as though, out of the corner of my eye, I could see God holding up a big sign that said ‘No.’  Every time I tried to look up toward God to pray, I’d see that sign.  But I so desperately didn’t want to see that sign, so it was like I would shield my eyes.  Hide my eyes.  Which of course meant that I didn’t feel any sense of connection to God.
Man, I was suborn.
Back then in my life, I didn’t have a lot of night-time dreams that I identified as having messages in them.  But I had one douzy of a dream that was so vividly, undeniably telling me that this man was NOT for me.
And still I hung on.  In fact, like I said, for 7 years I continued to believe we would magically be reunited.
What in the world?  What was going on that I wouldn’t listen to my knower?
Whenever we won’t listen to our knowers, several things might be going on.  Here’s what mine were:
  • First, I didn’t want to accept that what the voice of my knower was saying was NOT what I wanted to hear.
  • Second, I was valuing something else more highly than I valued my internal integrity.  I longed for security that I would someday be loved enough that someone would marry me.  And I wanted that security more powerfully than I wanted to be true to my inner knowing.
  • Third, along with valuing something more than being congruent internally, I was also using my unwillingness to accept no for an answer as a device to serve a different purpose in me.  Let me explain.  When we have a behavior or belief that is causing us all kinds of suffering, our most fearful, immature part is usually using it to HELP us as best it can.  So in my case, I had a HUGE fear of being alone or abandoned.  I still chip away at remnants of this cluster of fears to this day.  So I desperately wanted a guarantee that I wouldn’t end up alone.  And by ignoring my knower and convincing myself that I KNEW I would end up with this guy, I had a measure of security.  Except that it was false.
Was I a bad person that I wasted a lot of time trying to manifest something that didn’t WANT to happen?  (I prayed my ass off for that magical reunion that didn’t happen.)  No, of course that doesn’t mean I was bad.  It just means that I needed to work through all those fears of being alone or abandoned, and when I was ready, I started doing that.
But we won’t be able to manifest things out of that weird internal space of trying to talk ourselves into believing we heard something in our knowers.  Creating our magical lives starts from honestly hearing in our knowers what wants to happen.  And we might not always like what we hear, because underneath our likes and dislikes, our soul is working every second to help us to awaken.  And sometimes what helps us to awaken doesn’t look like a gift when it first shows up.
We don’t always see why a certain thread in the tapestry gets cut short or tangled or is an ugly color.  It’s that old cliché, though, that we’re only seeing the back of the tapestry.  Someday we’ll see the front, and it will all make sense.  Twenty-five years after it happened, I have a glimpse of the front of the one little part of my tapestry that tells the story of that man, and I see the beauty and perfection of it all.
Ultimately, the lesson is trust. Will you trust the voice of your knower?  Will you trust that the universe has your back, and that the Divine knows what the Divine is doing?
I’m going to be going into more depth about all this in the webinar that I’m offering next week.  It’s called, ‘How to Leap Off a Cliff…Because You Can Trust the Voice of Your Knower.’
The webinar is free, and I’ll be doing it live next Wednesday.  There’s will be a replay if you can’t make it live, but you have to register to access it.  CLICK HERE to get the info and sign up!
See you there, my most magical, shiny friends!

Do you wish you could be SURE when you think your intuition is telling you something?

  • Do you hear, sense or feel things in your intuition, your soul, your gut, (or what I like to call your ‘knower’), but you don’t know if you can trust them?
  • Are you still wrestling with that time in the past when you were SURE you knew something in your knower, but it just didn’t happen?
  • Did your knower get squelched a long time ago, perhaps when you were a child and adults told you things that didn’t feel right?
  • Are you scared to tell your life partner that you want to make a big decision…completely based on some elusive thing inside you that you can’t even really explain?
  • Do you WANT to build a life based on following your knower, but you struggle to take risks and do the scary things you think you hear?
NEWSFLASHYOU can learn to hear the voice of your knower, and you can develop the courage to follow it!  Hearing your knower is a skill, and like any skill, you just need instruction and practice.  And guess what:  leaping off cliffs into the wild unknown because you heard your knower – it’s actually a skill too.  So you can learn to do it.
That’s why I’m offering this FREE one-hour training webinar.  It’s called “How to Leap Off a Cliff – Because You Can Trust the Voice of Your Knower,” and it’s packed with ways to go from thinking you ~might~ have heard something in your knower, to being fully confident that you can trust that voice.  I’ll be breaking down the steps of taking a risk in response to the voice of your knower, and some of the places where we freak out.  And I’ll share some simple techniques that can enable you to move through the freak-outs, so that you can create the magical, purpose-filled life you want.
This no-cost training is for you whether you’ve been attempting to be guided by your knower for years, or you’re not even sure if you have one.  It’s for you if you long to find your internal voice…and actually listen to its wisdom.  And this training is for you if you don’t consider yourself to be an intuitive or spiritually sensitive person, but there’s a little part of you that yearns to be more connected to yourself and the Divine, even if it seems impossible.
Right now, the world desperately needs the gifts and wisdom that you can only bring if you’re willing to leap off that cliff and into your best self.  How much longer is the world gonna have to wait for the beauty, joy, wonder and insight that you and you alone have to offer?
I hope you’ll join me on September 27thHere’s the link to register: http://CliffLeap.com.
And don’t worry, the webinar will be recorded if you can’t make it live (but you have to register to get the recording).  So head over here to save your spot!  REGISTER HERE!

You Still Light Years Away from that Magical Life You Want?

How’s your magical life developing?  Not quite as magical as you hoped?  When it comes to attracting love or a satisfying job or good health – are you feeling ‘magic’ isn’t exactly the word you’d use to describe things?  Feeling a little stuck?
Actually, you might be getting positioned for something radical:  a leap off a cliff.
Am I talking to YOU?  I’m hosting a FREE, LIVE masterclass specifically for people like you, who long to follow their dreams but are scared to leap into the wild unknown.  CLICK HERE to register.
If you’re reading this, chances are very good that you are someone who longs to make an impact on the world.  You want to leave things in better shape than you found them.  You dream of bringing your art, your voice, your unique brand of healing to the world.
But what if you’re just plain scared to take the risk?  What if you’ve been thinking/dreaming about finding that new career or starting to date again or going back to school, but when it comes to action, you freeze?
May I tell you a story?
On our honeymoon, my husband and I went canyoneering in SW Utah.  It was just the 2 of us and our guide.  We came to a place where the guide had me climb down a wall first, onto a little ledge that was about two feet above the water.
The edge dropped straight off, and the water was really deep.  There was no way to ease into it – you just had to jump.  I knew it would be icy cold.  But at that point in our adventure, it was the only way out of the canyon.  And no amount of encouragement from my husband or the guide was going to make the leap any more pleasant.  So I pinched my nose and squinched my eyes shut and jumped.
The shocking cold took my breath away.  I came up gasping, and started dog-paddling frantically, panicking at the pull of my waterlogged pack, even with its mesh drains at the bottom.  I was really freaked out.  It was only 20 feet or so to the shore, but it was SO scary.
But I did it.  And the sense of triumph and empowerment was worth the chill.
I’ve been taking risks to follow my dreams my whole life.  And the thing I’ve learned is that I can trust the process.  I can trust that feeling of being trapped on that ledge with no way out but through the icy water.  I can trust the shock of the plunge.  I can even trust the feeling of panic.
‘But how?’ you ask.
Well, I want to teach you how.  I’ve packaged all that I’ve learned in an amazing new course and I’m going to be opening enrollment for it in two weeks.
And this course is for YOU, cornered there on that little, teeny ledge, partway down a cliff, with no way to go back to being satisfied with your small life.  You know you have to leap into the wild unknown, but you are terrified.
To kick off the course, I’m going to be hosting a free webinar, “How to Leap Off a Cliff – and 3 Big Mistakes to Avoid When Going After Your Dreams.”  The webinar will be on Thursday, September 27, and there will be a replay, but you have to REGISTER to get access to it.  I’d love to see you there!
Click HERE to grab your free spot.
In this masterclass, I’m going to break down the process of leaping off cliffs that I’ve developed over a whole lifetime of creating my magical life.  I’ve got a bunch of tips, tricks, and tools up my sleeve.
This class will change how you think about the challenges that are holding you back from your magical life.

See you there!

Stressful Magic

Sometimes magic is pretty stressful in the moment. My dad has been here visiting for several days, and yesterday, I drove him 3 hours to Boulder to hand him off to my aunt and uncle who live up in Estes Park. To set the scene for those of you from around here, we met up in the Dushanbe Tea House for lunch.

While we were eating, a man at the next table started choking. When I realized what was happening, his wife was already trying to do the heimlich, but she was on the smaller side and he was a big guy. And maybe she scared to do it hard enough.

I leaped up and went over in that way where you don’t remember ever deciding to act. My body just did it. It took me several tries of punching him for all I was worth, but it worked. By the time he could breathe again, a couple men were there as well, helping to hold the guy up.

We stood at their table for a few minutes while the guy collected himself, then I went and sat back down. My aunt said quietly, ‘It’s a pretty good day — you saved someone’s life today.’

I finished my lunch, with my hands shaking like crazy, and thought about what had just happened while my dad, aunt and uncle kept talking. And I pondered how my body had just gone into action, as though some force was working through it. It wasn’t my mind deciding to act. I just DID. I wasn’t at the closest table to the guy. I’m not a medical person. The restaurant was full, and lots of other people must have noticed what was going on. Why was it ME that acted?

Here’s what I think. When we’re living a lot of the minutes of our days out of our essential selves, in connection with our knowers, it’s as though our bodies are ‘being lived’ though our connection to the Divine. And it often feels like we just DO without thought. Sometimes it feels unnerving, like we’re making all these snap decisions, but there’s a feeling of inevitability about those decisions. They WANTED to happen. Consciousness or God or Spirit just moves through our bodies in a way that feels like it bypasses our mind. But actually, it’s because repeatedly and at a deep level, we’ve chosen over and over with our minds to surrender to our essential selves, surrender to our knowers, to our connection with the Divine.

And it’s possible to live all of our lives ‘being lived’ by the Divine. That’s what it means to be awakened, enlightened, filled with the Spirit, MAGICAL!!!

We get tastes of it. Little glimpses. And hopefully those little glimpses gradually become a habit until they’re continuous.

The guy paid for our lunches. That was a nice dollop of magic to top it off.


Did this resonate for you?  CLICK HERE to join the Facebook group, ‘How to Create a Magical Life.’

What Do You Suppose Jesus Thinks of All the Stuff I’ve Been Posting in My Facebook Group about How to Create Your Magical Life?

Hi magical friends!

I’ve been wanting for a while to do some exploring here about Jesus. Some of you know that I spent more than 20 years as a very black-n-white Christian, but thankfully also in a mystical Christian setting. Unfortunately, I thought we had the only truth and the only way to God. (If you want to hear more of my story, I have an article in Elephant Journal called, ‘How I Used To Be a Missionary with All the Answers: It’s Complicated.’)

I’ve been wanting for a while to write a blog/Facebook post/email that will probably be of most interest to those of you who have spent time in the world of the Christian church. I’ve been reading an author who is really making me wrinkle my brow and ponder…and rethink who Jesus is in our magical world, and what he meant when he said that we could do greater things than he did. I left the church more than a decade ago, but I still love Jesus, although the version of Jesus I connect with has changed over the years. So what the heck does he think about all these ideas that we are magical creators of our lives and stuff?

This author I’ve been reading is named Cynthia Bourgeault, and she’s an Episcopal priest who has also been deeply immersed in the Catholic contemplative movement. She’s a teacher of a Christian meditation technique called Centering Prayer, which I’ve been using lately and find very powerful. I love her book, ‘The Heart of Centering Prayer: Nondual Christianity in Theory and Practice,’ and another one about Mary Magdalene. If you come from of the Christian world and want to read something that will blow your mind, there’s ‘Love is Stronger than Death: The Mystical Union of Two Souls,’ which tells the story of her soulmate-connection with a celibate Trappist monk, a relationship which they both believed was destined to continue beyond his death.

Right now I’m working my way through, for the third time, Cynthia Bourgeault’s book called, ‘The Wisdom Jesus: Transforming Heart and Mind–A New Perspective on Christ and His Message.’ I want to type out a bunch of quotes from the book that have totally struck me. Hopefully they’ll make sense out of context.

The first concept I’ve been chewing on is that Jesus came to transform human consciousness.

Jesus first and foremost as a wisdom teacher, a person who (for the moment setting aside the whole issue of his divine parentage) clearly emerges out of and works within an ancient tradition called “wisdom,” sometimes known as sophia perennis, which is in fact at the headwaters of all the great religious traditions of the world today. It’s concerned with the transformation of the whole human being….from a judgmental and dualistic worldview into a nondual acceptingness.

Jesus came first and foremost as a teacher of the path of inner transformation….His message was not one of repentance and return to the covenant. Rather, he stayed close to the perennial ground of wisdom: the transformation of human consciousness….What we are actually supposed to be doing on this path [is]: not just admiring Jesus, but acquiring his consciousness.

The second concept from her book that I’ve been pondering is that the world of Western Christianity focuses on Jesus as Savior, and a person’s salvation through having right belief. On the other hand, she says, Eastern Christianity and the early Christianity that’s come to light through the Nag Hammadi texts like the Gospel of Thomas, is focused on Jesus as wisdom, Jesus as an enlightened being, a fully divinized human, a master of consciousness, and a model for us to learn from. Here’s a really long bunch of quotes:

It’s the primary way that we approach our teacher, through what we believe about him.
The main difference between the Christianity we’re familiar with through our Western filter and the Christianity coming to us from these new sources [the mysticism of Eastern Orthodox Christianity, and the early, non-canonical texts from Nag Hammadi] can be captured in two words which are not nearly as formidable as they first sound: the difference is between a soteriology and a sophiology. What do these two words mean? “Soteriology” comes from the Greek word soter, which means “savior.” The Christianity of the West has always been savior-oriented.

The Christianity of the East saw things radically differently. Theirs was not a soteriology, but a sophiology. The word “sophiology” has as its root the word “wisdom.” (Sophia is the Greek word for wisdom.) Christianity was supremely a wisdom path. For the earliest Christians, Jesus was not the Savior but the Life-Giver.

Jesus’s disciples saw in him a master of consciousness, offering a path through which they, too, could become ihidaya, enlightened ones. A sophiological Christianity focuses on the path. It emphasizes how Jesus is like us, how what he did in himself is something we are also called to do in ourselves. By contrast, soteriology tends to emphasize how Jesus is different from us—“begotten, not made,” belonging to a higher order of being—and hence uniquely positioned as our mediator.

Along with the overt requirement here (to learn what these beliefs are and agree with them) comes also a subliminal message: that the appropriate way to relate to Jesus is through a series of beliefs. In fundamentalist Christianity this message tends to get even more accentuated, to the point where faith essentially appears to be a matter of signing on the dotted lines to a series of creedal statements.

And finally, a third cluster of concepts that are, well, blowing my mind. Cynthia Bourgeault writes:

…the Kingdom of Heaven is really a metaphor for a state of consciousness…the Kingdom of Heaven is Jesus’s own favorite way of describing a state we would nowadays call a “nondual consciousness” or “unitive consciousness.” The hallmark of this awareness is that it sees no separation—not between God and humans, not between humans and other humans.

When Jesus talks about this Oneness, he is not speaking in an Eastern sense about an equivalency of being, such that I am in and of myself divine. What he more has in mind is a complete, mutual indwelling: I am in God, God is in you, you are in God, we are in each other.

“Love your neighbor as yourself”—as a continuation of your very own being. It’s a complete seeing that your neighbor is you. There are not two individuals out there, one seeking to better herself at the price of the other, or to extend charity to the other; there are simply two cells of the one great Life.

Wow, there’s so much amazing stuff here that I’m just starting to wrap my head around. When I first experienced reiki, I was like, holy shit, Jesus is the most amazing reiki master ever!!! When I bent a spoon, I thought, holy shit, no wonder Jesus could walk on water – he just rearranged a few bits of energy to make the water solid – just the opposite of me rearranging a few bits of energy to make the metal soft. And when I read the New Testament now with the idea that the kingdom of heaven is a metaphor for non-dual consciousness, to me it all falls into place.

But I wonder what YOU think! I’d love to hear your thoughts – to discuss, to disagree, to be blown away.

For those of you who are reading this on my blog, I’m purposely turning off the comments, because I’m also posting this on my Facebook group, ‘How to Create a Magical Life.’ I want to create lots of discussion, but for my sanity, I need it to be all in one place. So hop over to my group and respond – we need your voice!  Here’s the link:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/CreateYourMagicalLife/


Do you know right now that you are loved by the Divine?

Do you know right now that the infinite love that is this universe we are all part of — do you know that that love loves YOU? Like REALLY loves you?

Do you know that All That Is is saying right now, “Sweet [your name], I love you, I love you, I love you.”?

You are not only surrounded by that miracle of love, you are infused with it, through and through. YOU, my friend. These words are for YOU, right now.

You are LOVED!!!

Does a doubt pop into mind, something like, ‘Cynthia wouldn’t be writing that if she knew who I really am?’ Or do you think, ‘Well, God is just loving me because she/he/it is obligated to love everyone?’

Baloney. That’s a big pile of poo.

You, [insert your name here so it might sink in this time], are loved by Infiniteness in a way that’s particular to YOU. Not some wishy-washy generic love for humanity in general. You are loved in your own individual you-ness. Everything. All of it. From your one eye that doesn’t track quite right to your fondness for coconut yogurt to the polish peeling off your toenails — YOU.

Are you starting to get it? The God within you and completely transcending you, the energy that holds your atoms together so you don’t fly apart, the consciousness that you are part of —

IT’S ALL IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!!!!! IN FACT, IT’S PRACTICALLY SWOONING WITH DELIGHT that the tiniest bit of this thought is sinking in to you right now.

Love! Love! Love!

Breathe it in right now, beautiful one!


Why Is It So Hard to Attract the ‘Big Stuff’?

Why is it so hard to create the Big Seven???

First, what are the Big Seven? I just made this list up, but I think it includes most of what we yearn for in our lives.

1. The love of our life, soulmate, life partner, or a better/deeper relationship with our existing beloved.
2. Money — and not just enough to scrape by, but enough to be comfortable and enjoy doing/having what we love.
3. Purpose/career/job/mission/business/work — this is the way that we bring our unique and special magic to the world, and get satisfaction from our contribution.
4. Health — our physical bodies — fitness, weight, healing from disease, body image, etc.
5. Magic in Times of Crisis — magic for those times when we desperately cry out to the Divine to change something or cause something to happen — “HELP!!!!!!”
6. Deep connections in addition to our primary partner — healthy friendships, healthy connections with relatives.
7. Goodness for the people we love — this includes all the longings we have for goodness for our kids, our siblings and parents, for other family members, for dear friends, and everyone else we love.

Can you think of any other categories of ‘big stuff’ that I missed? (My Big Seven could become my Big Eight or my Big Nine, although there’s a ring to Big Seven, don’t ya think?)

Anyway, why is it so hard to attract the big stuff?

Because we attract/create/manifest with our SOULS, not our MINDS, and what our souls want, above all else, is to awaken!!!! So your mind might be longing for you to find your life partner, but your soul is longing for a fulfilling connection with the Oneness, All That Is, the Divine. And your soul says, “Hmmmm, I think she’ll find that fulfilling connection in her loneliness.”

I posted a long quote from a recent Martha Beck newsletter explaining this concept. And her own response to this is: “dammit.” Yep, it’s hard to not get what our minds want.

Thoughts? Your stories about this?  Join me on the Facebook group, How to Create a Magical Life.  https://www.facebook.com/groups/CreateYourMagicalLife/

More About Taking Responsibility for Everything in Your Life

This is a continuation of my post from July 10th, so if you haven’t read that one, you might want to start there.

When I first heard the concept of taking responsibility for absolutely everything in my life, it made me effin’ mad. Okay, so I could see taking responsibility for my own shit, which was hard enough because it meant I needed to stop whining about it and DO something to change what could be changed. And I could also see that taking responsibility for my ATTITUDE about everything in my life could be a healthy thing.

But what in the world did it mean to take responsibility for, say, terrorist attacks (a sensitive issue for me because I’m a survivor of a grenade attack by an early Al-Qaeda group that killed 2 of my friends and left me with shrapnel to this day). What did it mean to take responsibility for all the domestic violence of the world, the homeless and mentally ill guy panhandling at the intersection, the sleazy politicians, global warming, and on and on.

Take responsibility for things completely beyond my control? It just plain didn’t make any sense to me.

But I was first hearing about the concept in the context of learning about a man named Dr. Hew Len, a psychologist working in a facility for the criminally insane in Hawaii. It sounds like it was about as dark and dismal as it gets in that prison. I can’t remember the whole story (you can Google his name and ho’oponopono to find it) but he started doing something seemingly pointless with each of the inmates. He would take their case files, one by one, and say:

I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.

As he did this, it apparently brought up a lot of his shit, because he said about that time, “I worked on myself.”

And the situation in the prison completely turned around.

So…what is it and how does it work? The technique of using these four phrases and taking responsibility for everying in your life is now called ‘ho’oponopono,’ although it sounds like that word actually refers to a bigger process of reconciliation in Hawaiian culture.

Let me walk you through an example of how I do the process, and what comes up for me.

I have a friend with a grown son who is schizophrenic. I’ve known him since he was a boy, and he’s very frequently on my heart. I ache for him, and for the people who love him.

But how do I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for his disease? And why should I? I didn’t have anything to do with creating it!!!

Yet here’s what happens in my heart when I say those four phrases, from a place of willing openness to accept my responsibility for creating him and his disease in my life:

“Devon [not his real name], I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Please forgive me for any way, however subtle and sneaky and hidden from my conscious mind, that I may have wanted someone with a mental illness in my life so that I could feel safe in my own mental health. Please forgive me for any icky fascination or curiosity I have with mental illness that discounts you as a person. Please forgive me for being part of a society that doesn’t know how to help you. Please forgive me for every time I’ve had anything but love in my heart for anyone who shares your disease — the smelly homeless guy, the woman talking to herself on the corner. Please forgive me for all the ways I’ve scorned or discounted someone with your disease, or gotten a subtle ego-boost out of thinking I was better, healthier, more valuable than them. I’m so sorry, so very sorry I’m part of a culture that isn’t conscious enough to help you become the shaman or priest you’re probably meant to be. Thank you for all you’re teaching me — to love even the most complicated people in my life. Thank you for your sweetness and your seeking soul. I love you. I love you.”

Even as I typed that paragraph, it became a prayer, an outpouring of my energy toward him and every other mentally ill person who has walked their tortured path through life.

Has Devon become mentally healthier because I’ve been speaking these four phrases over him regularly? No, not in any outwardly obvious way. But I’ve taken responsibility by holding him in my heart, by sending him as much love and healing energy as I know how to send, and by holding his family in my heart. And it’s made me hold many other people with mental illnesses in my heart too.

But you didn’t FIX anything, you say.

I don’t have an answer for that. But I challenge you to try saying these four phrases to all the situations and people that are causing you pain, and just see what happens. You may experience yourself becoming empowered in some magical way, and you may experience something change outwardly.

And for those of you whose hearts are aching with the pain of things that ‘happened to you,’ please know that I’m holding you in my heart right now. I’m sorry — sorry for the pain in your life. Please forgive me for being part of the whole of humanity that is mostly unconscious. Please forgive me for my shadow parts, and the ways that my shadow parts have injured you. Thank you. Thank you for being my teacher. Thank you for bearing your particular pain right now, because it caused me in this moment to seek to be gentler toward you and everyone. I love you. I love you. I love you.

Want to talk about this more?  Join me in my Facebook group, How to Create a Magical Life.

Are You Part of the Healing Team?

I had a really weird spiritual experience yesterday, which I’m not ready to talk about here yet.  But I was thinking just now about how grateful I am that I have a circle of trusted people in my life that I will be telling this experience to, and asking them what they make of it.
Do you long for that safe inner circle?  Do you feel like an oddball sometimes, like you experience things that you can’t explain?  Do you yearn for deeper connection with the divine, even if you don’t know quite what you mean by that?  And do you sense you have something big to give to the world, but you have no idea how to bring it into existence?
I sent an email a few days ago with this list of traits that might show you that you’re part of the Healing Team.  Here it is again:
  • A sense of having a specific mission or purpose involving a major transformation in human experience, but being unable to articulate what this change might be.
  • High levels of empathy; a sense of feeling what others feel.
  • An urgent desire to lessen or prevent suffering for humans, animals, or even plants.
  • Loneliness stemming from a sense of difference, despite generally high levels of social activity.
  • High creativity; passion for music, poetry, performance, or visual arts.
  • An intense love of animals, sometimes a desire to communicate with them.
  • Difficult early life, often with a history of abuse or childhood trauma.
  • Intense connection to certain of natural environments, such as the ocean, mountains or forest.
  • Resistance to orthodox religiosity, paradoxically accompanied by a strong sense of either spiritual purpose or spiritual yearning.
  • Love of plants and gardening, to the point of feeling empty or depressed without the chance to be among green things and/or help them grow.
  • Very high emotional sensitivity, often leading to predilections for anxiety, addiction, or eating disorders.
  • Sense of intense connection with certain cultures, languages, or geographic regions.
  • Disability, often brain-centered (dyslexia, retardation, autism), in oneself or a loved one. Fascination with people who have intellectual disabilities or mental illness.
  • Apparently gregarious personality contrasting with deep need for periods of solitude.
  • Persistent or recurring physical illness, often severe, with symptoms that fluctuate inexplicably.
  • Daydreams (or night dreams) about healing damaged people, creatures, or places.
If you’re saying, “That’s me!” to a lot of these, chances are you’re a ‘Wayfinder.’  Wayfinders are the people who would have been the priests and priestesses, the shamans, the healers and medicine people in other cultures.  The oracles of wisdom.  The conduits of the divine to the human realm.
If that’s you but you feel stuck in living out this calling, please oh PLEASE join me for 5 weeks for a journey together through “Finding Your Way in a Wild New World” by Martha Beck.  The world needs the gifts you have to bring, and this interactive group can help you develop them.
There are still places available, but I’ve been talking with quite a few people who have expressed interest so don’t procrastinate!  We start on Thursday, July 13th!
  • Lots of interaction, discussion, questions and coaching on the live calls, and all the calls will be recorded to you can listen later if you like
  • A closed Facebook group where you can connect with me and all the other participants, and process what you’re learning and experiencing
  • A 60-minute 1-on-1 coaching session over the phone with me, which will be scheduled after the 5 sessions to help you apply all that you learned – and hey, that in itself makes this a great deal.I normally charge $125 for a session so you’re basically getting all the rest for twenty-five bucks!
So do you want to take the leap?  I guarantee it will be a fun, exciting and insightful ride.  Here is the link to leap with us:

What If YOU Created Everything, Both Good & Bad, In Your Life?

What would happen if you took responsibility for EVERYTHING in your life, the things you like and the things you don’t like?
I mean REALLY take responsibility, and acknowledge that you created them?
When I first came across this concept, it totally pissed me off. If you’re feeling your hackles rise already, hang with me here, and let me give an example.
What if you’re headed home from work, and the traffic just sucks?
What if YOU create this reality??????
But I wouldn’t create THAT, you say indignantly. Who wants a traffic jam and a crappy drive home at the end of the day?
Just humor me here for a minute, and let’s play with ways and reasons maybe you did actually create this reality. First, on the most practical, concrete level, you chose to live in the place you live, you chose to have a job that you have to drive to, and you chose to go to work today instead of calling in sick. And you are choosing to drive home now, during rush hour, instead of leaving early or staying late. You might be saying, but I HAD to do all that because I’ve got a child to get home to and rent to pay. But go deep here: there’s an accumulation of your choices that add up to this moment. You chose to not abort that child. You chose to say yes to the job you have. It was all your choices that brought you to this very moment of sitting in stopped traffic! You’re really powerful! You created this moment!
And another concrete aspect: you are driving a car, right? So you’re the person that the guy in the car behind you subconsciously thinks is causing the back-up. He thinks you’re a powerful creator of this traffic jam (along with every other driver).
What if there are some deeper reasons that you created this reality right now? Depending on your worldview, what if you’ve been praying for patience, or you made a soul contract before you came into this world that you would learn patience this time around? And what if you’re feeling desperate to be able to be more patient and gentle with that child you’re going home to, who you love something fierce but she’s at THAT age? What if you created this reality to give yourself a chance to practice being patient?
This post has gotten really long, so I’m not going to give you one of the tools I use. I’ll save it for later today or tomorrow. For now, just ponder this idea of taking full responsibility for EVERYTHING in your reality field.
And make sure you don’t miss out on my next installment!  I’m posting each of these blogs first on my new Facebook group, How to Create a Magical Life.  Come join me!