When I KNEW I Was Supposed to Marry that Guy…But It Didn’t Happen

I want to talk about one of the hard things that happens when we determine that we are gonna follow our knowers:  GETTING IT WRONG.
Sometimes we get it wrong, just plain wrong.  
And I want to tell you about a time when I got something just plain wrong, something I was SURE that I knew in my knower.
Do you relate?
Have you had one of those times when you just KNEW something was gonna work out, you knew you were gonna get that certain job, or you just knew that house you wanted to buy would become available for you – and then it didn’t work?  Just plain didn’t happen.  And there’s no way to look at the situation and say, well, it sort of happened.  It was black and white:  didn’t happen.
And did you get hung up on WHY?  Why didn’t this happen?  I thought I knew in my knower that it was gonna happen.  Why didn’t it happen the way I thought it would?  What went wrong?  What’s wrong with me?
Anybody who has set out to live a life based on following their knower, their spirit, their soul, the voice of God, their intuition – you’ve got some of these stories when it just didn’t happen.
Thankfully, the process of hearing our knowers and following them to create a magical life – thankfully, that process is actually a series of skills.  And because it’s skills, you can learn them!!!
That’s the great thing about skills.  Sometimes when we think about hearing and following our intuition, we think of it as a gift that only certain people have.  But actually, we are all born with a knower, and we can all learn to follow it, because it’s a skill. Yes, some people can learn to do it more easily, but we can all do it.
So YOU have the innate ability to follow your knower…and to get it right.
You just need instruction and practice, like with any skill.
I’m going to be offering a free webinar on Wednesday, September 27th, called, ‘How to Leap Off a Cliff – Because You Can Trust the Voice of Your Knower,’ where I’m going to go into depth about all this.  CLICK HERE to register.
My Story About That Guy
Back when I was in my 20’s, I met a guy.  I fell in love.  He fell in love.  We started a relationship.  So far, so good.  All very normal.
I was SURE that I was going to marry this guy.  We loved each other.  But then, he started feeling in his knower that I was not the one for him, even though he loved me.
Devastation, of course.  I thought I was gonna die.
And there was a problem:  I KNEW in my knower that he was the one for me, and that we were gonna get married and live happily ever after.  He loved me, after all.  How could he believe we weren’t meant for each other?
The story, of course, has lots of plot twists, but the end result was that he walked away.  Even though he loved me.  He told me so.  He had the strength – very commendable for someone at that age – to listen to his knower.
But…I still KNEW he was the one for me. I KNEW it.
(Any of you relate to this???)
Here’s the part that’s embarrassing to admit:  I spent SEVEN freakin’ years believe it was still gonna work out, believing that we would one day magically be reunited.  I suppose in some warped way, that’s credit to the power of my will.  I BELIEVED it, and I wasn’t gonna let it go.  I hung on to my belief with every ounce of strength I had.
But I was wrong.  He met someone.  He got married.  The end.
Dang, that hurt.
But what really hurt in the long run was admitting, long afterwards, that actually, I had heard very clearly in MY knower that he wasn’t good or right for me.
My knower actually knew, but I just wasn’t willing to admit it.
I was in the Christian world back then, so I’ll describe it in the Christian terms I experienced it in.  It was as though, out of the corner of my eye, I could see God holding up a big sign that said ‘No.’  Every time I tried to look up toward God to pray, I’d see that sign.  But I so desperately didn’t want to see that sign, so it was like I would shield my eyes.  Hide my eyes.  Which of course meant that I didn’t feel any sense of connection to God.
Man, I was suborn.
Back then in my life, I didn’t have a lot of night-time dreams that I identified as having messages in them.  But I had one douzy of a dream that was so vividly, undeniably telling me that this man was NOT for me.
And still I hung on.  In fact, like I said, for 7 years I continued to believe we would magically be reunited.
What in the world?  What was going on that I wouldn’t listen to my knower?
Whenever we won’t listen to our knowers, several things might be going on.  Here’s what mine were:
  • First, I didn’t want to accept that what the voice of my knower was saying was NOT what I wanted to hear.
  • Second, I was valuing something else more highly than I valued my internal integrity.  I longed for security that I would someday be loved enough that someone would marry me.  And I wanted that security more powerfully than I wanted to be true to my inner knowing.
  • Third, along with valuing something more than being congruent internally, I was also using my unwillingness to accept no for an answer as a device to serve a different purpose in me.  Let me explain.  When we have a behavior or belief that is causing us all kinds of suffering, our most fearful, immature part is usually using it to HELP us as best it can.  So in my case, I had a HUGE fear of being alone or abandoned.  I still chip away at remnants of this cluster of fears to this day.  So I desperately wanted a guarantee that I wouldn’t end up alone.  And by ignoring my knower and convincing myself that I KNEW I would end up with this guy, I had a measure of security.  Except that it was false.
Was I a bad person that I wasted a lot of time trying to manifest something that didn’t WANT to happen?  (I prayed my ass off for that magical reunion that didn’t happen.)  No, of course that doesn’t mean I was bad.  It just means that I needed to work through all those fears of being alone or abandoned, and when I was ready, I started doing that.
But we won’t be able to manifest things out of that weird internal space of trying to talk ourselves into believing we heard something in our knowers.  Creating our magical lives starts from honestly hearing in our knowers what wants to happen.  And we might not always like what we hear, because underneath our likes and dislikes, our soul is working every second to help us to awaken.  And sometimes what helps us to awaken doesn’t look like a gift when it first shows up.
We don’t always see why a certain thread in the tapestry gets cut short or tangled or is an ugly color.  It’s that old cliché, though, that we’re only seeing the back of the tapestry.  Someday we’ll see the front, and it will all make sense.  Twenty-five years after it happened, I have a glimpse of the front of the one little part of my tapestry that tells the story of that man, and I see the beauty and perfection of it all.
Ultimately, the lesson is trust. Will you trust the voice of your knower?  Will you trust that the universe has your back, and that the Divine knows what the Divine is doing?
I’m going to be going into more depth about all this in the webinar that I’m offering next week.  It’s called, ‘How to Leap Off a Cliff…Because You Can Trust the Voice of Your Knower.’
 
The webinar is free, and I’ll be doing it live next Wednesday.  There’s will be a replay if you can’t make it live, but you have to register to access it.  CLICK HERE to get the info and sign up!
See you there, my most magical, shiny friends!
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