I’m excited because I keep learning great new coaching techniques for working with thoughts and feelings. And the best person to test a new technique on, to see how effective it is…is ME. So I want to tell about some self-coaching I did today.
I have a person in my life that I need to forgive. I’ve tried to forgive, using various coaching processes, and I just seem to stay angry.
So in my desire to learn, I’ve been reading, “Letting Go: the Pathway of Surrender” by David Hawkins. He has a tool that turns letting go of emotions inside out. Instead of trying to let go of the difficult feelings themselves, the technique involves letting go of your resistance to the good emotions that want to come in.
I took the technique out for a test drive this morning regarding the person I need to forgive. Instead of focusing on letting go of my ‘bad’ emotion of anger toward this person, I focused instead on the ‘good’ emotions I want in the situation: compassion, love, understanding. As I did this, I saw in my mind’s eye the person standing in front of me, and I could feel behind me these vast waves of love and compassion and understanding, just waiting to flow through me to the person. And I saw my resistance to that love as a metal shield I was holding behind me, protecting myself so that the love couldn’t get to me. I really let myself PHYSICALLY FEEL my resistance. This is a key part of the technique: feeling the emotion in your body. I experienced my whole body tensing, and even though I was sitting down, I felt myself digging my heels in as though I were pushing the shield back against the waves of love. I let myself hear what the small, hurt part of me was saying: “I don’t WANT to let that love flow through me. If I allow love to come in, I’ll just get hurt again.”
And then, after I had allowed myself to deeply feel my resistance for a minute or two, I let go of it. I put the shield down. In fact, when I saw the scene so clearly like that, I WANTED to let go of the shield and let the love flow through me to the other person.
I’m pretty sure I didn’t completely forgive the person right then, because these things usually happen in layers and stages, and I’ll probably revisit this multiple times. But I definitely felt lighter and freer, and I think I’m onto somethin’. I’ll be using that tool again. 🙂