Uncovered a Nasty Belief this Morning

This blog and my Facebook fan page (https://www.facebook.com/MagicCarpetDanceArtsJourney) are about me sharing my creative and artistic journey, the journey of my soul, in hopes of encouraging a few other people along the way.  And sometimes that involves sharing the hard stuff, not just the victories and positive stuff.

This morning, as I was doing my Morning Pages (the Artist’s Way regular journaling practice), I uncovered a powerful negative belief I’m hanging onto.  I was writing about ideas I’ve had for a new novel I’d like to start, and wondering why I haven’t started it yet.  Then I realized I’ve had the following reasoning.  The idea and plot lines of the novel that I’m trying to get an agent to represent me for came to me in a flash, pretty much fully formed.  In a magical, miraculous moment while I was out on a walk one evening, the beginning, middle and end of all three story lines came to me all at once.  I was so worried I’d forget that I talked out loud to myself, telling myself the story, the whole way back to my house where I could write it all down.  The novel came as a gift, and as a complete package.

I don’t expect that to be the norm.  The 2 other earlier manuscripts I completed weren’t born that way.  They started more as little seeds of ideas.  But this one I’m trying to get an agent for came in a special, magical way.

So here’s my negative belief I uncovered:  that novel came to me complete, and look what good it’s done me.  It’s still just a freakin’ painful struggle to get an agent, and then there’s still the process of finding a publisher.  In terms of creativity, it doesn’t get any better than a whole novel coming to me complete, so how can I expect my ideas for a new novel (which won’t be as good because they’re appearing in the normal way) to fare any better in the publishing world?

I’m scared to start my next novel because this one hasn’t become anything yet.

(BTW, thanks for the earlier comments about self-publishing.  I have some strong reasons, which I won’t go into here, for why I want to go the traditional route.)

I can’t say I ~enjoy~ discovering a big, ugly, negative belief hanging over my shoulder, but at least now I can do something about it.  Time for a belief-exchange meditation.  More about that in my next post…

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