My bedtime reading lately has been quantum mechanics and the nature of reality and how it relates to so-called anomalous knowing (i.e., telepathy, remote viewing, etc.). Want to really blow your mind? Start reading some cutting edge scientists and what they have to say about the nature of concepts like past, present, and future. Tie it all up with thoughts about the divine, about prayer and manifestation, and how the future is formed, and throw in a dose of reiki training, and you’ve got me at the moment. 🙂 All my cells are dancing at the delight of learning new ways to live in a world that is appearing more and more connected to me. I bent a stainless steel spoon not too long ago by being in a wordless place, sending it all my love and joy, acknowledging that I was not separate from it, and asking it to bend for me. I thought I would never doubt anything I believe again after that experience.
But still I doubt.
As I wrote a few weeks ago, I felt guided to submit a query about my novel to a certain literary agent. In the past, I’ve queried tons of agents, usually sending out a batch of 10 or 12 emails to various agents all at once. Most of them take 3 – 6 months to respond, so the common wisdom is to get your work out to a lot of them at once. But this time I just sent a query to this one person, because I sensed in my knower that she is ‘meant’ to be my agent.
But still I question myself.
I just realized there’s a big difference between believing that something is ~possible~ and believing that something ~exists.~ I have no problem believing it’s possible that I will get an agent someday, because I know my novel is at a publishable level. I even have no problem believing I could be right, that this certain agent will become my agent. But do I believe the state of being in which this agent is representing me already exists? Do I believe this thing has happened in the Everywhen? One of the physicists I’ve been reading says that, based on quantum mechanics, there’s no reason we shouldn’t have the same epistemic knowledge of the future as we do of the past. (Do I get bonus points for that big word?) 🙂 Just typing that thought blows my mind all over again. Time and distance are just plain different than I thought they were.
Last night, I was awake in the middle of the night. I felt guided to imagine my book already published. I saw myself standing on the timeline of my life, with my past stretching out to my left and my future to my right. And I choose to side-step a little ways into the future, and I ~saw~ my published novel. I saw the hard cover version, with its dust jacket with a picture of a magic carpet on it, and I clutched the book to my chest. For just a minute, I grasped what it means to know that something in the future truly exists. Then I looked just a tiny bit back in the direction of the present, and saw my agent standing beside me. And once again, just for a few moments, I could feel the solid reality of what hasn’t happened yet.
As I explore all these things, I’d like to ask a favor. If you’re the kind of person who prayers or who puts your intentions out there in the universe to manifest something or who sends energy to situations, would you mind giving my agent quest and this particular person a little dose of that?